Hello and happy holidays!

If you are from the future and are looking back at old devlogs that might explain why the game has been updated for a while—you did it! This is the one!

I’ve been thinking about this devlog for a WHILE so I’m going to try and keep this short and we’ll see how that goes.

TLDR is—Silver Shields episode 4 is absolutely not coming out before the end of the year and I’m sorry for that, and also future updates will be sparse as this is the backburner project and I have a lot of stuff on the front burners now when before I did not

So! What’s going on with Silver Shields?

My hope to get an update out before the end of 2024 was hilariously dashed and crushed utterly as I dealt with health issues, other projects, and my yearly winter blues as I am someone who creates best when I have adequate sunlight and fresh air and I haven’t had either of those in about 2 months now. Also, the guilt of not working on the project means it’s very hard to actually work on the project cause now I have all this guilt and bad feelings associated with it and going into avoidant mode. The first time I’ve opened up the document in at least a month was to write this devlog and it’s stressing me out even looking at all of my notes.

This is going to be rambly and personal and dramatic because I don’t know how to not do that I guess.

So it’s going poorly. I have some things written. I have no backgrounds or CGs drawn. The characters are no longer on speaking terms with me. I’ve also come to the horrific realization as I dared look into the future that Silver Shields is quite possibly going to take 5+ years to create in full—and I’ve never worked on something for that long before. So that has contributed to the stress of realizing that I’ve bit off WAY more than I can chew and now my jaw hurts and I want to eat something else because I’m tired of the taste. Is that metaphor working?

That doesn’t mean I’m abandoning the project. The idea of abandoning something is so dreadful that I’d rather just keep something alive in some horrible frozen status like that lizard thing from Arcane. That’s what Silver Shields feels like right now I’m afraid which is a bit dramatic but I have been trying to write this devlog for the past 2 months and keep losing sleep on it.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I think, if I had a time machine, I would go back in time and tell myself to not start this project at all, actually. But in the same vein, around this time last year—or 11 months ago when I started working on Silver Shields, I was in the worst creative burnout rut of my life. I genuinely believed I was never going to create anything ever again. Silver Shields is the thing that pulled me out of there. If I didn’t start this project, I might have given up on creating—and especially on game dev—altogether. So even if I have regrets I know that without it everything would be so much worse.

Cause the truth is—I’m not in a creative rut! I’m just in a rut for this project. I’m working on other stuff just fine for the most part. I’m not someone who can force themselves to work on something, because I tried that, and that’s what led to previously mentioned worst burnout of my life. I’m very scared of getting back there, so I’m avoiding anything that might trigger it.

So that’s all on me, what does that actually mean for the game?

Silver Shields was designed to be a backburner project, something simmering in a crockpot to just have on low while I could have freedom to work on other stuff in the meantime. And frankly—I’m not going to have time! I have a million other things I’m working on, both in the game dev space and personally. My energy is a limited resource and until it opens up more, it’s going to be hard to work on this project, especially with the creative block I’m experiencing with it. And—I think I mentioned this in my last devlog but being a solo dev sucks actually. It sucks to be the only one doing everything by yourself and having no one to even bounce ideas off of, or to help you with the workload. It’s something that I don’t really want to do anymore, and that’s affecting the drive to work on the project cause I just want to cry thinking about how much work I have to do and it stops me from doing it.

And I know I’m whining but I am grateful that I get to do this—it’s amazing that I can create and share stuff, I just need to move to a different space, a different level, to make this sustainable.

And I have! I’ve opened up a new studio. I think it would be gauche to promote it here after all of this so I’ll wait a couple of months—except some devlog announcements about that closer to February. But that work, that creative process has felt good. I have people who have my back, who we can work and create together in a way that’s fulfilling. Having a taste of that has made me realize that as much as I am a control freak who loves doing things by themselves that it’s good, actually, to work with people.

I guess I’m avoid the question on what happens to Silver Shields now because honestly I don’t know. I don’t know what the next five years are going to look like! I just keep thinking about that Toby Fox quote (and dear lord am I NO toby fox) but he was talking about Deltarune and saying something along the lines of “based on how progress has gone so far, and how much more is left to do, and how much time I’m willing to spend on 1 project, I’ve realized this game is actually impossible to make”. And that’s kinda where I’m at. This game is actually impossible to make.

I’ve run the numbers. There’s maybe like 25 of you who have played this game, so hi and genuinely thank you. As much guilt as I have towards the project right now doesn’t take away the fact that it’s incredible to be shared with others and maybe make someone smile and get excited about my work. I wish I could be a better creator who can push things out and force myself to work and always get satisfaction from projects no matter what. From the bottom of my heart—I’m really sorry.

It's not gone, it’s not done. I’m just not going to be working on it for a while. At least for the first half of 2025. I maybe could see myself having a break in….I don’t even know. Cause Episode 4 has a decent amount of writing done! Not nearly enough, and none of the art is done but I could see it being released in 2025. Episodes 5-6 which I wanted to be 2025 releases I don’t have a clue. I doubt it.

It’s a break, for now, hopefully not forever. Maybe this is something I come back to in a year or so. Or I win the lottery and can pay people to make the game for me hahaha that would be a dream.

I apologize for the rambling and the whining but I just wanted to be honest. It’s embarrassing to admit like “yeah hey no progress has been made, sorry!” but I wanted to say SOMETHING so at least everyone knows.

I’m excited about the future and that’s honestly kinda rare for me. I just don’t know if Silver Shields is in that future or not. I’d like to think it is. I hope you can forgive me if it’s not.

I hope everyone’s having a good holiday season, or whatever season it is when you read this. Thank you, again, for caring about this little game.